The Beginning

So here's the story: I was laying on the floor of my childhood bedroom when this strange daydream came to me, one that started a whole mythology in my head. It was in the afternoon or evening; my bedroom faces east, so the sun was already on the other side of the house, obscured by the chaparral hills that surround the area. The only light that managed to filter through was gray, and this is also how my mood was. Not to say that I was at all sad or anything... just sluggish and anxious for some unknown reason that persists, in spite of all the tiring brain-wracking you've been doing trying to figure out what it is you're anxious about.

As I was saying, I was in this gray mood, in this gray room, when I suddenly had this weird daydream, if you want to call it that. I prefer to call it a vision, because it flashed so suddenly and vividly in my mind, not like the way daydreams casually meander into your head when your stream of consciousness overflows. I saw a little girl, perhaps about four years old, dirty with blonde hair, playing in an equally unruly sandbox, on a similarly gray day. The sandbox was located in the girl's back yard, and was once painted red, though the paint had long since faded to a pastel vermillion color and was peeling the way a sunburn would after several days since its contraction. Weeds surrounded it and the backyard densely.

The house stood gray and old in the background, like a decrepit grandparent watching its grandchild nonchalantly. And all about, surrounding the entire area were ancient trees, willows and cypress and blackgum-- clustered just close enough to constitute a kind of a forest. The air was warm, like that of a sweltering day cooling down for the evening. And I knew, somehow, with every core of my being, that I was that girl, that she was me, would be me, in the future. She was my future incarnation.

And that's how it happened. I didn't know what to make of it at the time. I thought it was merely a whimsical thought, a fanciful idea for fiction. But it's become much more than that, to me. More visions came to me afterwards, but those will unfold later. One by one they come flying to me like little white birds from the dark depths of my unconscious. I won't say that I know what it is, or if it's true, but one thing for certain is: that this girl, that this me from the future has emerged, manifested herself in me whether I like it or not, developed her own kind of personality that is both hers alone and me at the same time. Paradoxical, I know, but fascinating. Perhaps You would like to meet her? She will show herself to You, slowly.