'Kay, so, I was driving home from work one day, it was probably like 5:07 or something because I didn't clock in from lunch on time 'cause I was playing foosball with a coworker and so my lunch ran a few minutes over, and the sun was setting and all that jazz, and it was really really hot since my car had been sitting outside in the sun all day, so I turned the air to cool without actually turning it on, so that just the air that filters through would be somewhat cool, without having to waste gas since I was kind of strapped for cash at the time, and anyways I was kinda pissed though because as soon as I rolled down the windows it suddenly got ass cold and I was like "wtf?" but then this song came on the radio, which turned out to be "Black Sand" by Jenny Lewis, but at the time I didn't know what it was but I had heard it before and really wanted to download it so I scrambled to find something to write some of the lyrics on so I could Google them later to find the song title and artist, but the only thing to write on was an old fine tipped sharpie that I stole from my old job before I got laid off and an old lotto ticket that my friend bought me jokingly when I bought him a Monster or Rock Star energy drink at the grocery store, I forget which, and in any case there was a ton of text on it but I used it anyways, but the trouble was, I was in the left turn lane at the time and I had to turn left because one, there were tons of cars behind me, and two, this intersection was a pain in the ass to turn left at because the goddamn light gives you like 3 seconds to do it, so I was turning and writing and I needed to be in the center lane after turning but just as I had completed the turn and was getting over, I saw that another car had merged into the lane and we collided-- just a little!-- and there was the gentlest tap but the other car, this really dumb black Toyota Corolla with a stupid license plate frame that said something stupid like "#1 Grandma" with a "Support Our Troops!" sticker on the bumper started freaking out and honking and flashing lights and stuff, and so I had to pull over to settle it all, even though I really didn't want to, and even after I did, this old couple got out of the car and started having a fucking seizure over-- and get this-- absolutely no scratch or dent, even though they were positive (and actually I'm pretty sure we did, too) bump each other, but still, they were super overreacting and being real jerks about it, and then I remembered how my horoscope told me to be assertive that day, and it just sort of inspired me to take this bitch-assed attitude and I was totally like, "No, fuck you!" to the old people and they called me disrespectful and all this shit, but luckily I was able to come up with some pretty witty retorts to their bitchings that were actually quite relevant to the topic at hand, finally I was like "Fuck it" and just got in my car and drove off, 'cause I was pretty sure they were in such a state of disorientation and frenzy and general senility that they hadn't gotten my license plate number or anything, but I still went to the Mini Cooper dealer down in San Diego that weekend immediately and got the cute red Mini Cooper I've always wanted, but didn't really want to get so soon because I haven't actually paid my mom back all the money I loaned from her over last summer, but in any case, yeah, that's how slash why I have this sweet red Mini Cooper now, but it's also kind of ironic because I just realized that I was in the right most of the left turn lanes and those damned old people were in the leftern one so therefore I technically had the right of way... lame, huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment